A Found Poem in which Grant Shapps appears on Blue Peter to announce the Pre-War Era to the Nation’s children

Hello. The era of the Peace Dividend is over, crumbled like the concrete in your
schools.
We say hello to our two new Blue Peter dogs: RAAC and Ruin.
Heartening News! We’ve uplifted our defence spending. Urgently needed, £50 billion
for bullets, bombs and Dreadnought submarines. You don’t want to be an unpatriotic,
Britain belittling doom-monger, do you children? Help us. Send your buttons, badges,
buckles and other recyclable steel items to our “Face down the Threat and Triumph”
2024 Blue Peter Appeal.
You may be thinking, what about the cost of living crisis brought to you by Putin?
(nothing to do us, Thank God!). Well children, the whole country will be joining in.
You’ll be paying for war for generations to come.
Britain will become the largest provider of drones. Tonight we show you how to build
one using a tin can, a polystyrene ceiling tile and sticky-back plastic.
There’ll be a special edition Blue Peter badge for anyone who’s drone bombs the
Putin menace or any other belligerent autocratic state.
Meanwhile, we demonstrate how to make your very own papier mache model of the
Red Sea with Royal Navy warship to blast the Houthi. Here’s one we made earlier!
– in 1967 when they drove the British out of Aden. It’s those vandals pouring fuel oil in
the Blue Peter fish pond all over again.
But don’t worry. All the fun’s to come. In five years time we could be looking at
multiple theatres involving Russia, China, Iran and North Korea. Next week, the Blue
Peter team will be on assignment with the new Citizen’s Army and showing you how
to use a self-loading semi-automatic pea-shooter. Ha! You won’t catch us sailing
blindly into an age of autocracy.

Sally Spiers

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