Busy week, the entire city preoccupied with Sex. Not just sex but writing about it and gossiping about it; more guilt around than the Spanish inquisition. From a medical point of view its hormonal , too much testosterone – in both sexes, it drives desire in women too – they get quite obsessed at ovulation – no one talks about that – men carry the sin , the most convenient place for it. They all end up coming to me. How can I sort them out?
Take last week –
“What seems to be the problem Judge?”
“Oh please don’t call me judge, I only judge when I’ve got the wig, and the robes and I sit in a high chair under the royal coat of arms. Hon Y soit qui mal Y pense – Evil be to him who evil thinks”
“Ok ok , you do the latin and the judging , I’ll do the doctoring . That way we both earn a living. Now what seems to be the problem Judge?”
“Well, look doc its quite difficult, its harassment”
“Sorry Judge, but who’s been harassing you?”
“Well that’s a very good question, especially coming from a doc…I’ve had this trial, – quite decent fellow, up for harassment!”
“Yes. And?”
“He had this secretary, worked for him, and few weeks back – sorry doc ……………it’s going to sound bad, and it gets worse doc.”
“But I’m a doctor, you can tell me. I’ve heard it all before. Now what seems to be the problem Judge?”
“She was bending over, and he touched her ………..”
“Ok ok, I’m a doctor nothing shocks me Judge”
“She was bending over, and he touched her ………..her bottom!”
“Bottom is not a medical word Judge”
“She was bending over, and he touched her ………..cheek, her bum cheek – patted it!”
“Yes, and?”
“…She wasn’t wearing any pants.”
“Well……………..that’s rather different!”
“Exactly, that’s it; he’s up for, harassment, gross indecency, bullying and assault.”
“Yes, but what has this got to do with me?”
“Look doc, I had to send him down. Now I can’t sleep, I get terrible dreams. He got five years, but its worse, now I’m up before the Judge myself – the judge’s judge. Doc they say it wasn’t enough! And the women, they’re camped outside my house. They do a slut walk every morning at ten, – no pants, skirts up round their waists doc. I can’t sleep I know I’ve got Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!”
“Look Judge, I know I’m only a doc, but I have my finger on the pulse of society – Hon y soit qui mal y pense, she was exercising her freedom to wear or not wear under garments and he’s obviously a hideous evil sick para-rapist , clearly it’s violence against women.
“Doc, I lie awake. I know I must have PTSD!……..I know the law. I worry about provocation.”
“Judge, if a nineteen year old girl wants to go out without underwear, that’s her right, her human right. How could it be provocation?”
“Doc, I feel ashamed even thinking like this. Naturally I refused to allow provocation as a defense. But the trouble is I believe it was a defense. Can’t sleep doc.”
“But Judge, you need motive for provocation, women aren’t like that.”
“Yes doc, I know that. But the trouble is I don’t believe it. I may get the sack, or maybe I’ll be offered early redundancy. Could you fix it to retire me on health grounds?”
“Oh I see, you mean insanity. Unfit to judge by reason of insanity! Well you obviously are. I’ll fill out the papers whilst you wait.”
They all end up coming to me. Sort them out ?
Doc Amygdala